Can’t Do This
Okay, when I started this blog, I made a promise to myself. I was going to be positive. Upbeat. Cheerful even, almost to the point of being annoyingly so. But I can’t do it. The truth is, I’m depressed. I wasn’t even this depressed back when I was so sick. And frankly, I blame Facebook.
I was dubious about Facebook right from the start, but everybody else seemed to love it and to spend lots of time posting madly about … well, everything. And you can’t see any of it unless you join. So I joined. Bill “helpfully” sent me a bunch of Facebook links to people that we used to know, not realizing that doing so notified THEM too. So all of a sudden I have a Facebook full of people I haven’t given a second thought to in 15 years.
To understand why that was bad, you have to understand a bit about me. I’ve always had the attitude “I’ll try anything once” and “What’s the worst that could happen?” And when you approach life with that kind of mindset, you make a lot of very, very, very, very, very, very stupid decisions. However I had a combination of a cheerful disposition and a very short memory, and most of the bad experiences rolled off me like water off a duck’s back. Which it actually does, by the way. When we lived on the boat I used to spend a lot of time watching the ducks, and when they got wet the water would sort of bead up and fall off. But I digress.
Anyway, every time I looked at my computer (which is most of the time, what can I tell you), I was forcibly reminded of a period of my life I’d just as soon forget. I finally dropped everybody I hadn’t seen in the last year or two, but the damage was done.
So screw it. If I’m going to keep a blog (and I am), I can’t wear a fake happyface. At the very least, I owe all of you the courtesy of being real.
